Secret love but not *surreptitious

Being warmed by the sincere attention of another

We all long for lively, vitalizing, and inspiring friendships. How nice it is to be warmed by the sincere attention and involvement of a human being. I feel in my element when my heart is beating, there are nice people around me, and when I am in exciting and surprising encounters. A courtship is growing when we meet each other often and working together is a pleasure. There is a mutual click of understanding, humor, and life energy. If we see each other often, a relationship is built, based on all the good moments in which we see one another, affirm, challenge, surprise, care, and know that we are seen in the other. We carry each other in our hearts and appreciate one another’s qualities. Beginning relationships have the nature to be mostly vitalizing and surprising.

*veiled, clandestine, covert, secret, surreptitious, undercover, furtive

May seducing mean to guide some into the most still place,
and magic of making each other beautiful with words and gestures.

Engaging in courtship

Reflecting twinkles in the eyes
propagating inspiration
enlightening humor
recognized attention
witnessing life
awake to the senses
lighting the fire in the heart
preserving each other’s flame
meaningful togetherness

 Anneke Wittermans 2019

Diadans  Diadansles 36wonen in de schoot, pret en plezier

Habitual being together

For long-term relationships, there is tension between the familiar togetherness, being used to each other, and dealing with the other person’s habits in which I do not flourish. It requires taking the mutual balance into account. The mutual discomforts cannot all be remedied, we know what we can benefit from each other and what apparently is impossible. Secondly, we try to tinker with each other to suit our wishes, which results in arguments, misunderstandings, or accepting or sometimes swallowing what does not fit. Over time, one person develops an ‘adaptation’ or a compensation of some kind. A grey area may arise if I do not speak out promptly and I do not want to ‘make a fuss’ about the inconveniences involved.


be alert and fight for a mutual bond

As soon as the grey area of ​​habits holds us back in a vital spirit of meeting, where we both regularly and unspoken compromise, we distance ourselves from ourselves and each other. Then we may feel less seen, charmed, warmed by each other’s attention. We are together precisely to feel seen in that vitalizing and surprising energy. Before I know it, I forget to hang those garlands myself inspire each other, and make time to hear what is going on in the other person. If I try to achieve the affirming, lively, and surprising element, then we will develop the relationship out of both investments. If this grey area brings alienation, inaudible dissatisfaction, rusty accusations, and powerlessness, then I try to be ‘satisfied’ with less. I think internally ‘I don’t feel seen’. The grey area becomes larger and the relationship becomes foggy. This is a breeding ground for a lively encounter in the future.

    Secret love can be a turning point in a person’s life

A lively encounter can be of great value to everyone involved. It brings one back to a beating heart and awakens the natural flow of friendship and affection. It is a tipping point, a turning point, it gives rise to the recognition that something could not be addressed in the current relationship. Only now do you know what you were missing in the normal, loyal, permanent relationship. A spark of life, genuine interest, that hadn’t been discussed in a while. The hustle and bustle and the mutual compassion and understanding that it doesn’t always have to be a party had made us doze off.

Suzan van der Voort  72.S Licht van ver.

    When my heart is beating and I feel better after an encounter, I hope that I dare to speak to my partner. Right now it is of the utmost importance to talk to my partner and express love and respect to my partner. For example: “I had a meeting and it was pleasant, I felt seen and heard. That makes me happy. At the same time, I want to investigate what this is like for us now. I have to admit, I missed you.”
In a workshop Secret Loveship but not secretly we did this exercise.

Question 1: Do I want to hear it and how do I want to hear it if my partner lights up platonically when meeting one other person?

Question 2: Do I want to tell it and how do I tell it if I have had a flashy encounter that makes my heart beat faster?

The first is much simpler than the second, I noticed when I gave this assignment during a workshop.

    Why secretly makes the biggest breakup

If I secretly wish to do it with the idea of ​​”I’m not doing anything wrong” or “it’s just platonic,” I’m excluding my partner from the turn I’m making. This person does have suspicions and becomes suspicious and reserved. Instead of mutual recognition and respect and a possible growth spurt to mutually recognize each other again in the value that the relationship has, there is grumbling and avoidance. This certainly does not do justice to the existing relationship. Secret love, but not secretly, can be of great significance in a human life. It is the moment when both can choose again, show, and acknowledge why you are precious to each other.

    What is the difference between secret and sneaky

Intimacy is precious. Precisely because making love is a private part of our lives. We often do not express ourselves in our environment about the ups and downs of our partnership. It’s not even easy to talk to your partner if you feel uncomfortable with intimacy, and for people who don’t have a steady partner, the question can be confrontational.

Secret does not mean secret, but rather hidden. Sometimes the shared joy of life results in a love relationship; platonic, erotic, or sexual. Not the entire community needs to know all about my intimacies. Especially if I hold a responsible position and an extramarital relationship undermines my credibility in the outside world. Moreover, there is a taboo on the other person who apparently does not comply with something. Therefore, it is better to maintain privacy around escapades. In secret, the permanent partner does know and therefore can decide for themselves whether she/he wants to live with this.

Often humans feel themselves retiring or restricted if their body has a tangible suspicion of another human interfering. Which in turn can cause additional removal.

    Hera**’s Dismay

To possess my beloved,
a human is free
To keep occupied with a life,
love I can’t demand,
I love to hold you

My heart shrinks
unseen, unheard and
unconcerned I wander,

my wing beat is missing
in the reflective shards of yesterday

I ask
How can I appear in your future?
when the sharp points

break the light and
my image in you will disappear?

Apparently hidden
in thousands of thoughts,
I am searching for  peace

Anneke 2019.